This is post 1 of 6 in the series “Middle Way Method”
The Middle Way Method consists of several processes, but your underlying values and relationships underpin your whole experience with the Middle Way Method. Your values will help you discover the kind of person you wish to become, and your relationships will tell you where you find happiness in this life.
Values
Determining your core values is an easy process, but it may also be difficult. When you have determined your core values, you will know the kind of person you are. In Western culture today values are not prized, we do not encourage their discussion, or what they mean. We can go our whole lives without trying to adopt a set of values. Why then are values so important?
We become what we value. If we do not choose our values, they are chosen for us; our family, friends, co-workers, where we live will all influence our values. For most people determining what values we feel are important is tricky.
In determining our core values, we can not just identify the value; we have to define it for ourselves. This process of defining our core values has two aspects, discovering what your current values are, and determining what they should become.
This process involves taking feelings, and turning them into well-developed thoughts. This may mean thinking in ways you have not before.
Exercises:
Identify 3 people you know, who you would like to emulate. Identify 3-5 values you want to emulate in your life, define them, and decide how close you are to having those traits.
Pick 1 or 2 people you do not know personally. Define what made them great, and what values you would like to develop, which contributed to their greatness. Define these traits.
Center yourself spiritually. Draw inspiration from your faith. Pray, meditate, study scripture.
Make a list of 3-5 values and define them.
Look at a list of values. Identify the first 5-10 which appeal to you and define them.
Relationships
Humans live best in groups. Put any two people together, and they will form a relationship. Every relationship has its own dynamic. The dynamic of a relationship can be compared to a bank account, I first encountered this comparison in the 7 Habits of Highly effective people. Each person has a bank account for every other person in their lives. Each time you do something that is positive from the point of view of the other person causes a deposit. Each time you do something the other person does not like causes a withdrawal.
How do you make more deposits than withdrawals? You need to learn how the other person will perceive as a deposit. Some clues to this process were given in the Five Love Languages. In that book I learned that people feel appreciated, or loved in the following ways:
- Gifts
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
By matching how the person will best understand that you care about them will allow you to build the best relationship possible with the person.
Our relationships can often be defined by the role we have in the relationship. For example a relationship where I am a friend will be different from a relationship where I am a parent. Each role provides a structure to the relationship.
Exercises:
List your five most important relationships, and find the boundaries of the relationship, and how you can make deposits into the relationship.
Think about a time in the future, you have passed on and your family, friends, and co-workers gather to recount your life. What are the attributes, and values that your family, friends, and coworkers saw in you? Write out what each person who speaks would say. List out the values that each speakers talks about.